Maurice's
Since the last edition of Positive Lives, life has been a roller coaster, a white-knuckle ride that gradually climbed to heights of pure joy before plummeting to depths of miserable despair and sadness. A few years ago I think I used a similar expression about coping with living with HIV/AIDS. Now, with CD4 counts around 400 and an undetectable viral load the virus is no longer at the forefront of my mind. Three months of testosterone patches may have some effect on my mood…but nothing compared to the real life event of falling in love. Yes! For the first part of the year a brief affair of the heart totally coloured my vision. "Better to have loved and lost" a good friend told me …"than never to have loved at all".

Without a doubt he spoke the truth. Over the past months I have experienced happiness that I haven't known in years. Regrettably the same is true of the pain that came with the abrupt end to what was perhaps an impossible dream. At a time like this the constancy and patience of family and friends is put to the test. I consider myself blessed to have such an understanding band of guardian angels looking after me. It is also comforting to know that I am still able to love and be loved which gives me hope for the future.

I wonder how closely my experiences mirror those of other long-term survivors of HIV. Many of the goals and aspirations I had in 1994 at the time of my AIDS diagnosis have been achieved and I now find myself struggling to make sense of a future I hadn't expected or planned. Perhaps it is a healthy sign that the highlights in my life since I last wrote have been simple things like: celebrating my mum's 90th birthday, a singing weekend at Morley, enjoying meals out, going to shows, concerts, films and spending time with my close friends. I recall a memorable walk with my best friend in the Welsh mountains; I remember the elation I felt on opening a music assignment marked 100% and not least I appreciated the bliss of having a very special person as a boyfriend even if it was for only a short while. However, despite the ups and downs, life goes on.

www.LGBmind-matters.com
The website continues to attract attention. A representative from the Sainsbury Centre for Mental Health came up from London to interview me about the project over lunch and I also gave a telephone interview to an independent assessor for the Millennium Awards. Reciprocal links have been made with other sites including: www.menshealth.uws.edu.au an Australians men's health and resource centre with an inspiring vision for the promotion of boys' and men's physical and mental well being. Closer to home www.bgiok.org.uk/ has recently been updated by its creator who has become a firm Internet friend. Although the site is aimed at teenagers, its affirmative upbeat nature provides a positive and uplifting experience for people of any age. (NB. 'bgiok' stands for 'being gay is OK!')

Staffordshire Buddies Annual General Meeting
For me, the AGM on Monday 1st July at the Blind Centre in Stafford was a heartening experience. After reading the annual report and listening to the presentations I was left with the impression that the charity was well equipped to face the challenge of responding to the needs of the rapidly increasing numbers of HIV positive people in the county. We have a fine new director in Chris Woolls, a proven able manager of services in Andrew Colclough and a dedicated team of staff and volunteers, an increasing number are themselves HIV positive. However, additional funding will be needed to maintain the existing level of services and in the event of a shortfall, cuts in services will be unavoidable

Thanks
I am sure that readers would wish to join me in expressing thanks and appreciation to our out going chair, Ian Mason who has helped to guide the charity through some difficult waters over the past four years, sometimes without a captain at the wheel. Good wishes as well to our newly elected chair Bob Lishman (our first "out" HIV+ chair person). No doubt, as I am, you are looking forward to reading his account of the 14th International AIDS Conference in Barcelona.

Next
Before I write next, I will have attended my first music summer school with the Open University. I am particularly looking forward to this week as it is held in Durham where I spent three glorious years obtaining my teachers' certificate. It will be interesting to visit old haunts and discover what has changed. For those readers interested in classical music, there is a feast of delights at the 36th Penkhull Festival with internationally famous artists together with my humble self amongst the Stoke on Trent Bedford Singers.

Keep well,

Maurice