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When I was asked if I would like to contribute to this issue of positive lives my initial reaction was one of fear/horror! What could I write about that would interest the readers? Then it was pointed out to me that a positive woman of Staffordshire Buddies had yet to express ANY opinions in Positive Lives. What a challenge! So this is my debut!
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I
first became involved in Staffs Buddies about two years ago when my CNS
referred me. A member of the direct services team came to my house and
introduced themselves. I was told about the services offered which included
the instigation of the children’ TNT club. I was left with lots of papers
with really useful information and telephone numbers and told to call
whenever I liked. Time went on and many times I picked up the phone to
ring but equally all times I didn’t! I am unsure of what I was afraid
of. Perhaps I still had not come to terms with my diagnosis. I know I
was and still am to a lesser degree petrified of ‘other’ people finding
out about the HIV. I thought this may be because of my children. As a
mother my first instinct is to protect them and I do feel unable to share
with them exactly what the problem is. I don’t want them ostracized, or
picked on or to be made to feel different due to my diagnosis. Yes, sadly,
the stigma still exists, and the pressure from it sometimes is overwhelming.
When will society (the government) actually NOTICE the statistics? When
will they even acknowledge that women are the fastest growing group of
HIV people? Only then can we hope that society accepts the HIV for what
it is. Another potentially fatal illness that can be managed. Off the
soap box!! Where was I? Staffordshire Buddies!
I
allowed my children to become involved with the TNT club, if I’m honest
initially to get some peace! However, over time I can see how much they
look forward to the after school activities and day trips, and see how
they benefit from the time given to them by staff and volunteers. The
children are genuinely fond of the TNT team and always ask when the next
activity is taking place! When a new worker of the direct services team
telephoned me I was a little taken aback. Not another ‘person’ who knows
my status! But then when we met up I realized I had little to fear. It
was through this person that I eventually took the huge step to come into
the Hanley center. From meeting other clients both male and female, to
helping out on a regular basis in the office, I now feel like the place
is my second home. I really enjoy coming to the centre, its friendly and
welcoming. I feel a part of the team, as well as being able to access
the services and getting support when I need it. My life has changed quite
dramatically over the past 2 years. I have gained confidence in everything;
I know I am not just an ok person, but that I have a lot to offer. And
yes, I am needed and appreciated, and that’s important in life, don’t
you agree?